Opinion on Autism diagnosis
Hi young people! I am the Dad of a 22 year old who is having a crisis at the moment. I wanted to ask young peoples attitude to meeting someone with an Autism (ASD) diagnosis. How does it affect friendships and romantic relationships? I would like honest answers please. He currently has no friends at all and is utterly convinced neurotypical people would instantly 'run a mile' and also poke fun and use degrading labels. I am thinking of a scenario where he embarks on a friendship and then reveals his diagnosis later. He is high functioning (more like the traditional Aspergers) and initially you wouldn't know. He has interests in live sound and would like to work with a band. His own attitude to his Autism diagnosis is causing him severe issues with his mental health. It'd be great to get some responses.
He could just not tell them at all. I’m pretty sure I have autism but I’m not interested in getting an assessment or diagnosis because I don’t want the label and stigma of being “disabled” when that’s not how I see myself. If you couldn’t tell from meeting him then he could just be himself and forget about the diagnosis and not tell people
In the UK, roughly 2.4% are autistic. I'd tell your son if he goes to join a society - Roleplaying, theater, gaming. That will give him an instant friendship group.
Original post by AndyDad
Hi young people! I am the Dad of a 22 year old who is having a crisis at the moment. I wanted to ask young peoples attitude to meeting someone with an Autism (ASD) diagnosis. How does it affect friendships and romantic relationships? I would like honest answers please. He currently has no friends at all and is utterly convinced neurotypical people would instantly 'run a mile' and also poke fun and use degrading labels. I am thinking of a scenario where he embarks on a friendship and then reveals his diagnosis later. He is high functioning (more like the traditional Aspergers) and initially you wouldn't know. He has interests in live sound and would like to work with a band. His own attitude to his Autism diagnosis is causing him severe issues with his mental health. It'd be great to get some responses.
I'm 22 and was recently diagnosed as autistic, hoping I can provide a positive outlook! I don't think friendships come as easily to me as they might to people who aren't autistic but I still don't have much of a problem making friends. I've never met anyone who has cared that I'm autistic, they certainly wouldn't run a mile! I don't necessarily tell people unless its relevant to explain why I might be doing things that aren't totally normal (an example is I find going out for meals/drinks a bit overwhelming sometimes so I might not order anything and just go to hang out with people - usually I will explain why if I end up doing this so people don't get concerned, and they're always understanding). It's also worth noting that there are plenty of autistic people in their 20s out there so it's not even the case that he is a lone autistic person trying to make friends in a world of hostile neurotypicals - there are plenty of other autistic people out there too, and I do not think that most neurotypical people are as hostile as he thinks they are. I have both autistic and neurotypical friends, my autistic friends have both autistic and neurotypical friends - honestly if you just go out and be yourself among groups of likeminded people nobody needs to know you're autistic unless it becomes relevant. But equally it's not something to be ashamed of or something he should feel he has to hide to make friends - nobody I know has cared/relationships have not changed when people have found out about my diagnosis.
My childhood friend was diagnosed with aspergers as an adult. I have long since lost contact with him, but his sister told me that the diagnosis gave him oddly a sense of relief. But, I then started wondering if I had noticed something, and of course there was something, but I had not named it "aspergers" in my head. I then went online, and found a psychologist with a youtube channel who also had aspergers, and he made videos (in English) about his life and his problems (I think he was Dutch). I can mention that in terms of intelligence my childhood friend is not lacking in any sense whatsoever, he has a phd, but he has struggled socially. Autism is not one thing, there is a spectrum. But you can take comfort in the fact that even though your son may not become popular, he can at least become a silicone valley tech billionaire because they all seem to have such a diagnosis.
(edited 4 months ago)
Original post by AndyDad
Hi young people! I am the Dad of a 22 year old who is having a crisis at the moment. I wanted to ask young peoples attitude to meeting someone with an Autism (ASD) diagnosis. How does it affect friendships and romantic relationships? I would like honest answers please. He currently has no friends at all and is utterly convinced neurotypical people would instantly 'run a mile' and also poke fun and use degrading labels. I am thinking of a scenario where he embarks on a friendship and then reveals his diagnosis later. He is high functioning (more like the traditional Aspergers) and initially you wouldn't know. He has interests in live sound and would like to work with a band. His own attitude to his Autism diagnosis is causing him severe issues with his mental health. It'd be great to get some responses.
Hi! I’m 17 and autistic. I found out when I was 13 and was diagnosed at 16.
In my experience you’ll get a mix when it comes to friendships (I can’t speak about romantic relationships because I’ve never been in one).
You will get the labels, the weird treatment, and the snarky comments from some friends and acquaintances.
You’ll also get the people who are lovely and accepting.
The way I like to look at it is as a filter: it gets rid of the people you don’t need in your life without you having to wait years to see their true colours.
But regardless of whether you share your diagnosis or not you will probably get ostracised and/or bullied because that’s the unfortunate reality of being autistic in a neurotypical social landscape.
What I would say is that it’s entirely up to the autistic individual as to whether they share their diagnosis. What do they feel comfortable with and what do they feel will benefit them in the long term? Only they can make that decision themself.
Original post by Lugg13
Hi! I’m 17 and autistic. I found out when I was 13 and was diagnosed at 16.
In my experience you’ll get a mix when it comes to friendships (I can’t speak about romantic relationships because I’ve never been in one).
You will get the labels, the weird treatment, and the snarky comments from some friends and acquaintances.
You’ll also get the people who are lovely and accepting.
The way I like to look at it is as a filter: it gets rid of the people you don’t need in your life without you having to wait years to see their true colours.
But regardless of whether you share your diagnosis or not you will probably get ostracised and/or bullied because that’s the unfortunate reality of being autistic in a neurotypical social landscape.
What I would say is that it’s entirely up to the autistic individual as to whether they share their diagnosis. What do they feel comfortable with and what do they feel will benefit them in the long term? Only they can make that decision themself.
In my experience you’ll get a mix when it comes to friendships (I can’t speak about romantic relationships because I’ve never been in one).
You will get the labels, the weird treatment, and the snarky comments from some friends and acquaintances.
You’ll also get the people who are lovely and accepting.
The way I like to look at it is as a filter: it gets rid of the people you don’t need in your life without you having to wait years to see their true colours.
But regardless of whether you share your diagnosis or not you will probably get ostracised and/or bullied because that’s the unfortunate reality of being autistic in a neurotypical social landscape.
What I would say is that it’s entirely up to the autistic individual as to whether they share their diagnosis. What do they feel comfortable with and what do they feel will benefit them in the long term? Only they can make that decision themself.
Actually I should probably add that sometimes sharing a diagnosis can help with the bullying because people understand why you act the way you do and more consciously navigate their relationship with you. This won’t always happen though. In some social circles it may exacerbate the issue. But normally (from my experience) it helps.
Speaking as a parent. My daughter was diagnosed at 16. Up until that point, friendships were tough. Partly because she didn’t understand why people treated her “differently” and why she felt “different”. Her diagnosis changed all that. In the last 2 years, she’s made more friends than the first 16. It’s like she’s found out what makes her different and feels free to be herself.
I think for her being authentic to herself and others was the key. I hope your son finds some peace as he navigates this next season.
I think for her being authentic to herself and others was the key. I hope your son finds some peace as he navigates this next season.
Original post by AndyDad
Hi young people! I am the Dad of a 22 year old who is having a crisis at the moment. I wanted to ask young peoples attitude to meeting someone with an Autism (ASD) diagnosis. How does it affect friendships and romantic relationships? I would like honest answers please. He currently has no friends at all and is utterly convinced neurotypical people would instantly 'run a mile' and also poke fun and use degrading labels. I am thinking of a scenario where he embarks on a friendship and then reveals his diagnosis later. He is high functioning (more like the traditional Aspergers) and initially you wouldn't know. He has interests in live sound and would like to work with a band. His own attitude to his Autism diagnosis is causing him severe issues with his mental health. It'd be great to get some responses.
Neurodiversity as that is the new Modern term which encompasses the whole range of differences. I am not diagnosed but I believe I also am Neurodiverse .
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