The Student Room Group

Lecturer touched me?

I saw one of my lecturers standing and watching me from a distance in the library.
I ignored him but 5 minutes later, he came to my desk saying hey and the started patting me on my shoulder. He did that 2 times and I was feeling quite uncomfortable because there was no need to touch yet he did

I feel creeped out by him.

Is this OK or am overthinking?

Scroll to see replies

Probably not ok? Depends on how close you are to the lecturer ig
Reply 2
Original post by InnateImpunity
Probably not ok? Depends on how close you are to the lecturer ig

Not close at all. I worked with him on his project but I was always professional. And he sent me job adverts but we only had professional chat. So this touchy thing was a surprise to me
Reply 3
I wouldn't be too spooked by this one interaction, as it could be in good faith. I'd say just be cautious and if this lecturer does it again, or makes you even uncomfortable again, I'd say tell someone or even tell him what they are doing is making you uncomfortable, hard option I know but will set them back
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Anonymous #1
I saw one of my lecturers standing and watching me from a distance in the library.
I ignored him but 5 minutes later, he came to my desk saying hey and the started patting me on my shoulder. He did that 2 times and I was feeling quite uncomfortable because there was no need to touch yet he did
I feel creeped out by him.
Is this OK or am overthinking?
if a lecturer were to pat me on the shoulder, i wouldn't think nothing of it bc its on the shoulder. Everyone has different boundaries so if he does it again, just lean away so he gets the hint or smt. But by the sounds of it, it doesn't sound like he has weird intentions or anything of the sort.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I saw one of my lecturers standing and watching me from a distance in the library.
I ignored him but 5 minutes later, he came to my desk saying hey and the started patting me on my shoulder. He did that 2 times and I was feeling quite uncomfortable because there was no need to touch yet he did
I feel creeped out by him.
Is this OK or am overthinking?
Everyone has different boundaries when it comes to this but i wouldnt say he's a creep or anything. atm it just sounds like they're a nice person and your not used to their touch.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I saw one of my lecturers standing and watching me from a distance in the library.
I ignored him but 5 minutes later, he came to my desk saying hey and the started patting me on my shoulder. He did that 2 times and I was feeling quite uncomfortable because there was no need to touch yet he did
I feel creeped out by him.
Is this OK or am overthinking?

See.. its not ok.. Women are very good with intuition and they do understand "the types of touch". Obviously he was not the only person in years, who touched you. You must have been touched by your family and friends. If his touch made you uncomfortable and the feeling you got while he touched you is different from the feeling of touch from your known ones then definitely he was upto something. Please from next time be a little cautious if you find him nearby you.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous #3
See.. its not ok.. Women are very good with intuition and they do understand "the types of touch". Obviously he was not the only person in years, who touched you. You must have been touched by your family and friends. If his touch made you uncomfortable and the feeling you got while he touched you is different from the feeling of touch from your known ones then definitely he was upto something. Please from next time be a little cautious if you find him nearby you.

I have seen him staring at me while passing by and has even interuppted my conversations when I was talking to a friend. Coming up and saying hello while I was conversing and starting a chat which I quickly ended
Original post by Anonymous #1
I have seen him staring at me while passing by and has even interuppted my conversations when I was talking to a friend. Coming up and saying hello while I was conversing and starting a chat which I quickly ended


At University you are paying for your experience. You are well within your right to snap at him and tell him to stop. If it gets any worse speak to someone like your student union.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I saw one of my lecturers standing and watching me from a distance in the library.
I ignored him but 5 minutes later, he came to my desk saying hey and the started patting me on my shoulder. He did that 2 times and I was feeling quite uncomfortable because there was no need to touch yet he did
I feel creeped out by him.
Is this OK or am overthinking?

I understand that it makes you uncomfortable, but as others have said, it could be something innocent.

Do you know if he's like this with anyone else or just you? Either way, the first step is to make sure he's aware of the effects of his actions. If you feel confident, then tell him that you feel uncomfortable with the "special attention" he's giving you. If it's innocent, he'll be horrified and make more of an effort to keep his distance. If it is something more sinister, he'll know he's been rumbled and will probably back off.

If you don't feel comfortable speaking to him yourself, maybe try going through a third party like a personal tutor or a student representative.

Original post by Anonymous #3
See.. its not ok.. Women are very good with intuition and they do understand "the types of touch". Obviously he was not the only person in years, who touched you. You must have been touched by your family and friends. If his touch made you uncomfortable and the feeling you got while he touched you is different from the feeling of touch from your known ones then definitely he was upto something. Please from next time be a little cautious if you find him nearby you.

Some academics are completely out of touch with reality, so there is a chance it could be something innocent... or at least he's unaware of the effect it's having. If he's like this with everyone, then it's almost certainly unaware of the affect it's having. If you're really uncomfortable, maybe go with a male classmate and if it's something dodgy, he definitely won't do it with another guy present.

Original post by Autumn223
At University you are paying for your experience. You are well within your right to snap at him and tell him to stop. If it gets any worse speak to someone like your student union.

I still maintain you need to be 100% sure of his intentions before "snapping" or going down a more formal / official route. If it's an honest oversight on his part, these allegations could ruin his career / reputation. A "quiet word" with him (either by the "victim" or through a student rep or personal tutor) would be fine in the first instance.
Original post by Old Skool Freak
I understand that it makes you uncomfortable, but as others have said, it could be something innocent.
Do you know if he's like this with anyone else or just you? Either way, the first step is to make sure he's aware of the effects of his actions. If you feel confident, then tell him that you feel uncomfortable with the "special attention" he's giving you. If it's innocent, he'll be horrified and make more of an effort to keep his distance. If it is something more sinister, he'll know he's been rumbled and will probably back off.
If you don't feel comfortable speaking to him yourself, maybe try going through a third party like a personal tutor or a student representative.
Some academics are completely out of touch with reality, so there is a chance it could be something innocent... or at least he's unaware of the effect it's having. If he's like this with everyone, then it's almost certainly unaware of the affect it's having. If you're really uncomfortable, maybe go with a male classmate and if it's something dodgy, he definitely won't do it with another guy present.
I still maintain you need to be 100% sure of his intentions before "snapping" or going down a more formal / official route. If it's an honest oversight on his part, these allegations could ruin his career / reputation. A "quiet word" with him (either by the "victim" or through a student rep or personal tutor) would be fine in the first instance.


You don’t really need to understand his intentions. Its inappropriate to touch a student, its on him to establish appropriate and professional boundaries. If this user feels uncomfortable they are well within their right to contact someone at the university and express their discomfort.
Original post by Autumn223
You don’t really need to understand his intentions. Its inappropriate to touch a student, its on him to establish appropriate and professional boundaries. If this user feels uncomfortable they are well within their right to contact someone at the university and express their discomfort.

... but my point is he may not be aware he's doing anything wrong.

I never said that she should just "put up with it", but I think it should be brought up with him first. To go to such a high level could destroy someone's career / reputation; not to mention be embarrassing for the complainant if it is something completely innocent. I don't see why she can't speak to a class rep or a course tutor in the first instance. If she's unhappy with their response or result, then go to a higher level.

Anyway the OP has seen what we've all had to say on the matter, so she can decide for herself what the best course of action is.
Original post by Old Skool Freak
... but my point is he may not be aware he's doing anything wrong.
I never said that she should just "put up with it", but I think it should be brought up with him first. To go to such a high level could destroy someone's career / reputation; not to mention be embarrassing for the complainant if it is something completely innocent. I don't see why she can't speak to a class rep or a course tutor in the first instance. If she's unhappy with their response or result, then go to a higher level.
Anyway the OP has seen what we've all had to say on the matter, so she can decide for herself what the best course of action is.


As an academic professional he should be aware of boundaries. If he is not then he needs to be made aware, if the OP isn’t comfortable having that conversation with him it is more than reasonable to speak to someone like the students union.
Original post by iNNer02
I wouldn't be too spooked by this one interaction, as it could be in good faith. I'd say just be cautious and if this lecturer does it again, or makes you even uncomfortable again, I'd say tell someone or even tell him what they are doing is making you uncomfortable, hard option I know but will set them back

I would talk to him in privet about it. Or with a close friend who you trust. But again, you should talk to him.
He may see you as a daughter figure and it might be just an innocent touch.
Original post by Kathy89
I would talk to him in privet about it. Or with a close friend who you trust. But again, you should talk to him.
He may see you as a daughter figure and it might be just an innocent touch.

... and this is my point.

Without mentioning names, some people here seem to be of the impression that it's definitely something sinister on his part (and I'm sure they've got their reasons for thinking as such). I would agree with going down a more formal route if it was more clear cut (e.g. he made a comment about her body / physique, or the touching was something like his hand on her knee or lower back).

Definitely, something needs to be said to the lecturer in question; there's no argument there, it's just who should have this conversation and how it should be done.
Reply 15
Original post by Old Skool Freak
I understand that it makes you uncomfortable, but as others have said, it could be something innocent.
Do you know if he's like this with anyone else or just you? Either way, the first step is to make sure he's aware of the effects of his actions. If you feel confident, then tell him that you feel uncomfortable with the "special attention" he's giving you. If it's innocent, he'll be horrified and make more of an effort to keep his distance. If it is something more sinister, he'll know he's been rumbled and will probably back off.
If you don't feel comfortable speaking to him yourself, maybe try going through a third party like a personal tutor or a student representative.
Some academics are completely out of touch with reality, so there is a chance it could be something innocent... or at least he's unaware of the effect it's having. If he's like this with everyone, then it's almost certainly unaware of the affect it's having. If you're really uncomfortable, maybe go with a male classmate and if it's something dodgy, he definitely won't do it with another guy present.
I still maintain you need to be 100% sure of his intentions before "snapping" or going down a more formal / official route. If it's an honest oversight on his part, these allegations could ruin his career / reputation. A "quiet word" with him (either by the "victim" or through a student rep or personal tutor) would be fine in the first instance.

Off topic - but how are you multi-quoting like this on the new TSR?! :lol:
Original post by gjd800
Off topic - but how are you multi-quoting like this on the new TSR?! :lol:
OK, I guess it's my turn to be the lecturer now lol 🎓️

You know those three dots that are at the bottom RHS of a post? If you click them (on someone else's post, not yours), you'll get an option to Add Quote. If you select that, then it will appear in the text-box at the bottom of the screen; underneath what you've already written.

It takes some getting used to though... if I had a pound for every time I accidentally clicked Reply button instead, I'd now be driving that Ferrari I've been promising myself.😂 😮😆. In case you haven't worked it out, clicking the Reply button will wipe everything you've already written.
(edited 1 month ago)
Reply 17
Original post by Old Skool Freak
OK, I guess it's my turn to be the lecturer now lol 🎓️
You know those three dots that are at the bottom RHS of a post? If you click them (on someone else's post, not yours), you'll get an option to Add Quote. If you select that, then it will appear in the text-box at the bottom of the screen.
It takes some getting used to though... if I had a pound for every time I accidentally clicked Reply button instead, I'd now be driving that Ferrari I've been promising myself.😂 😮😆. In case you haven't worked it out, clicking the Reply button will wipe everything you've already written.

Oh mate! I hads't even noticed those things until you pointed them out haha - thank you!
Original post by Anonymous #1
I saw one of my lecturers standing and watching me from a distance in the library.
I ignored him but 5 minutes later, he came to my desk saying hey and the started patting me on my shoulder. He did that 2 times and I was feeling quite uncomfortable because there was no need to touch yet he did
I feel creeped out by him.
Is this OK or am overthinking?

Did he touch your tits or genitals?
Did he touch your arse?
Did he touch your eyeballs?

If yes to any of then above then that is obviously unacceptable. Touching someone in the eyes is assault. The other 2 things I mentioned would be sexual harassment.

Touching you on the shoulder isn't something you can get him arrested for if thats what your seeking. If it's something he keeps doing even tho you unambiguously made him aware it makes you uncomfortable you have legal grounds to have something done about him. For now, just politely tell him to fúck off.
(edited 4 weeks ago)
Reply 19
It’s inappropriate to touch in this way. Just maybe it’s friendliness and an inadvertent mistake. I would try indicating by body language that you don’t like it and then ask that he doesn’t do it, before making a complaint. Maybe this is too soft. You could also get some advice from your SU.

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending