My girlfriend is getting big and i’m not sure what to do
We’ve been together for 3 years and met in college, and have continued through uni doing LDR.
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
Scroll to see replies
As Sheikh Assim says, you're not the most handsome guy, you're not the richest guy or the best guy to take her out. Why not go train together in some sport? Solves 3 things at once. You both get better and you get time to do something together.
I wouldn't personally tell her she's gotten big, but that's me.
I wouldn't personally tell her she's gotten big, but that's me.
Original post by Anonymous #1
We’ve been together for 3 years and met in college, and have continued through uni doing LDR.
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
No offence but that’s cowardly of you, be encouraging and supportive in setting small and realistic goals for example the types of food and drink to eat and have, ways how calories are to be burnt, portion control and in take. Participation in daily exercises such as long walks counting each step to tire her out but in a good sense, the types of activities you could do sporting wise.
Original post by Mohammed_2000
No offence but that’s cowardly of you, be encouraging and supportive in setting small and realistic goals for example the types of food and drink to eat and have, ways how calories are to be burnt, portion control and in take. Participation in daily exercises such as long walks counting each step to tire her out but in a good sense, the types of activities you could do sporting wise.
Cowardly? That OP isn't attracted to their SO anymore or that they seem not to be able to tell SO about her weight issue?
OP you're fine - sexual attraction is important in any relationship, and these kinds of things do happen more often than you think. Pick a day when your SO is not stressed, and isn't under pressure from family / work / studies. Have a sit down and be gentle but firm in telling her how you feel.
As others have posted before - the best way to go about this is to suggest starting a sport together or going to gym together. Fyi, a lot of people find that going to the gym increases their sex drive so this may even help alleviate the problem. The main thing here is caloric intake vs outake. You want her to burn more than she eats. How you go about doing that and how extreme you go is up to you.
Don't let this fester though - ideally say something like "it's very important to me that my partner is fit and healthy" or something. N.B. You can't say that and be out of shape yourself - that's double standards.
Original post by Mohammed_2000
No offence but that’s cowardly of you, be encouraging and supportive in setting small and realistic goals for example the types of food and drink to eat and have, ways how calories are to be burnt, portion control and in take. Participation in daily exercises such as long walks counting each step to tire her out but in a good sense, the types of activities you could do sporting wise.
Absolutely don’t do this! Setting targets for a grown woman is verging on coercive control!
I’m a qualified PT and I can promise you this is not the way to go.
Original post by MissTeee
Absolutely don’t do this! Setting targets for a grown woman is verging on coercive control!
I’m a qualified PT and I can promise you this is not the way to go.
I’m a qualified PT and I can promise you this is not the way to go.
What coercive control you on about you think it’ll happen overnight if the OP does want a change in his girlfriend
Original post by Anonymous #1
We’ve been together for 3 years and met in college, and have continued through uni doing LDR.
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
If she went on the pill for you then this would explain a significant weight gain.
Original post by Mohammed_2000
What coercive control you on about you think it’ll happen overnight if the OP does want a change in his girlfriend
What it’s likely to do is damage her self-esteem and possibly lead to issues like disordered eating or body dysmorphia.
There are lots of reasons why someone might acquire increased body fat, not just poor nutrition or insufficient activity. If he’s genuinely concerned about his girlfriend, it would be more helpful to address this in relation to health issues like the risk of Type 2 diabetes, not aesthetics.
Original post by Anon2463
Cowardly? That OP isn't attracted to their SO anymore or that they seem not to be able to tell SO about her weight issue?
OP you're fine - sexual attraction is important in any relationship, and these kinds of things do happen more often than you think. Pick a day when your SO is not stressed, and isn't under pressure from family / work / studies. Have a sit down and be gentle but firm in telling her how you feel.
As others have posted before - the best way to go about this is to suggest starting a sport together or going to gym together. Fyi, a lot of people find that going to the gym increases their sex drive so this may even help alleviate the problem. The main thing here is caloric intake vs outake. You want her to burn more than she eats. How you go about doing that and how extreme you go is up to you.
Don't let this fester though - ideally say something like "it's very important to me that my partner is fit and healthy" or something. N.B. You can't say that and be out of shape yourself - that's double standards.
OP you're fine - sexual attraction is important in any relationship, and these kinds of things do happen more often than you think. Pick a day when your SO is not stressed, and isn't under pressure from family / work / studies. Have a sit down and be gentle but firm in telling her how you feel.
As others have posted before - the best way to go about this is to suggest starting a sport together or going to gym together. Fyi, a lot of people find that going to the gym increases their sex drive so this may even help alleviate the problem. The main thing here is caloric intake vs outake. You want her to burn more than she eats. How you go about doing that and how extreme you go is up to you.
Don't let this fester though - ideally say something like "it's very important to me that my partner is fit and healthy" or something. N.B. You can't say that and be out of shape yourself - that's double standards.
It's cowardly not to be honest with someone when you're in a relationship with them; communication is key! You think it's better that the OP lies to his girlfriend?
Break up with her. Everyone is allowed to want to date someone they’re attracted to but it’s unfair to carry on lying to a partner or making her feel bad (she can absolutely tell how you feel and can probably guess why). Even if she lost weight now, something else would only happen down the line that would make her unattractive to you (whether that’s pregnancy, illness, or just aging) and it’d hurt her far more to hear it in say 10 years compared to now. She deserves someone who won’t fall out of love with her when her body changes.
Original post by Username123ab
Break up with her. Everyone is allowed to want to date someone they’re attracted to but it’s unfair to carry on lying to a partner or making her feel bad (she can absolutely tell how you feel and can probably guess why). Even if she lost weight now, something else would only happen down the line that would make her unattractive to you (whether that’s pregnancy, illness, or just aging) and it’d hurt her far more to hear it in say 10 years compared to now. She deserves someone who won’t fall out of love with her when her body changes.
Original post by Anonymous #1
We’ve been together for 3 years and met in college, and have continued through uni doing LDR.
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
Tell her honestly that she's overweight and she needs to (1) eat less, (2) exercise more or (3) do both 1 and 2. Otherwise you may need to consider leaving her, if you are unhappy.
Original post by jay2013
Tell her she's getting too fat and she needs to (1) eat less, (2) exercise more or (3) do both 1 and 2. Otherwise you're leaving her.
Crikey..I had to check what decade, in what century and country we’re in…
Original post by Anonymous #1
We’ve been together for 3 years and met in college, and have continued through uni doing LDR.
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
Recommend that you both start eating healthy and going gym. She's probably already overthinking as it is keeping your silence isn't any better.
Original post by Anonymous #1
We’ve been together for 3 years and met in college, and have continued through uni doing LDR.
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
So basically, for about a year my girl has been steadily putting on weight. Initially i loved it as it looked good but over time it got a lot worse to the point i’m not really attracted at all, where i really don’t want to sex usually when she wants to, i end up doing it out of necessity and not wanting to bring it up.
The problem recently is that she’s picking up on the fact that i don’t really want to have sex, and she’s questioning me on why. I don’t want her to change herself for me as that rarely ever works out, i don’t want to hurt her mentally, and i am perfectly okay not having sex.
What do i do? I feel like the only way to go is tell the truth but that truth won’t bring any happiness to her, it just makes it worse. Will this feeling go away? Will i get used to it?
I feel that unlike some of the people responding to your post, you have some self awareness and a bit of sensitivity. I don’t get the impression that you’re an ********.
I’ve been in a similar situation to you, so am not judging you. For what it’s worth, the person I was with was amazingly hot, but an injury forced them to change their exercise behaviour, and they gained weight. My attraction to them diminished considerably. By that time, we had bought a house together. I realised that my connection to them was based on a very strong physical attraction. Big learning curve for me.
They had surgery, recovered and got fit again, but it was never the same.
He’s married to someone else now.
Original post by MissTeee
Crikey..I had to check what decade, in what century and country we’re in…
But it's true. Why beat around the bush and tip toe around the issue?
Original post by MissTeee
Absolutely don’t do this! Setting targets for a grown woman is verging on coercive control!
I’m a qualified PT and I can promise you this is not the way to go.
I’m a qualified PT and I can promise you this is not the way to go.
i was just about to say this!!
Original post by Surnia
It's cowardly not to be honest with someone when you're in a relationship with them; communication is key! You think it's better that the OP lies to his girlfriend?
Tell her she’s put on weight, she’ll be mad and ***** to her friends but what’s alternative, her just staying fat?
Original post by Anon2463
Cowardly? That OP isn't attracted to their SO anymore or that they seem not to be able to tell SO about her weight issue?
OP you're fine - sexual attraction is important in any relationship, and these kinds of things do happen more often than you think. Pick a day when your SO is not stressed, and isn't under pressure from family / work / studies. Have a sit down and be gentle but firm in telling her how you feel.
As others have posted before - the best way to go about this is to suggest starting a sport together or going to gym together. Fyi, a lot of people find that going to the gym increases their sex drive so this may even help alleviate the problem. The main thing here is caloric intake vs outake. You want her to burn more than she eats. How you go about doing that and how extreme you go is up to you.
Don't let this fester though - ideally say something like "it's very important to me that my partner is fit and healthy" or something. N.B. You can't say that and be out of shape yourself - that's double standards.
OP you're fine - sexual attraction is important in any relationship, and these kinds of things do happen more often than you think. Pick a day when your SO is not stressed, and isn't under pressure from family / work / studies. Have a sit down and be gentle but firm in telling her how you feel.
As others have posted before - the best way to go about this is to suggest starting a sport together or going to gym together. Fyi, a lot of people find that going to the gym increases their sex drive so this may even help alleviate the problem. The main thing here is caloric intake vs outake. You want her to burn more than she eats. How you go about doing that and how extreme you go is up to you.
Don't let this fester though - ideally say something like "it's very important to me that my partner is fit and healthy" or something. N.B. You can't say that and be out of shape yourself - that's double standards.
Did anyone else get chills when they read that?
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Why do so many girls have a boyfriend? Am I really unlucky?
- Big 4 salaries
- I hate having big boobs
- 43 likes on Tinder??
- My girlfriend never gets jealous?
- Red flag
- This guy has a girlfriend… what do I do
- A warning on investment banking (M&A) careers
- Gf said I have a small p*nis
- gcse MCQ physics
- Discovered my Dad is a cross-dresser
- Which is the 'poshest' supermarket chain?
- Girls clubbing can be so horrible
- Let's be friends!
- STEP 2016 Solutions
- What are my chances of securing a good legal training contract?
- I love my gf but im losing attraction to her
- Is this relationship worth continuing?
- Composite Functions
- How would I go abouts asking to move forms.
Latest
Trending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
