How to get over not applying to Oxbridge.

My home life was fairly poor and I definitely suffered from depression/mental illness as a child which led to very poor GCSEs at 16. I also had behavioural issues and got expelled from secondary school.

Almost overnight one day I decided that I'd had enough and am going to leave this all behind and be successful. I didn't care if I had no friends it was irrelevant, I didn't care what my parents said it was irrelevant, nothing was going to stop me.

At my new school I worked hard, got all A at AS level and didn't bother with oxbridge because I thought my GCSEs would limit me. A year later I got all A* at A-level which was by far the highest at my school and I suspect would have made me a realistic/strong applicant but I didn't apply because I just couldn't take another year at home (I regularly considered taking my life from about 12-19) and had to leave which I did and then shortly cut contact with parents.

Years later (I am now 23) I am a completely different person. Much happier, kinder, more relaxed etc and live a life which was unimaginable to 13yo me. Still, not applying to oxbridge/not really having a good chance at it is probably my one big regret in life.

Any tips on getting over this? It sounds pathetic but it annoys me a lot even though I'm grateful knowing I have secured a good life for myself and if I have children they will never have to go through the same things.

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 1

SilverPebble

You say you are now happy, kind and relaxed in your life. The path you took between 'then' and 'now' is what led you to this place. There is absolutely no guarantee at all that Oxbridge would have led you to this place too.

Reply 2

blabblabblab

Original post by SilverPebble

Lol yeah you're probably right. The long holidays no doubt would have been extremely miserable and the intensity wouldn't have helped. Maybe I should think about it this way instead.

Reply 3

Picnicl

Which university did you go to?

Reply 4

blabblabblab

Original post by Picnicl

Which university did you go to?

Generic AAA russel group. I’d share the exact one but I know people who browse here and could identify me hahaha

Reply 5

eliaaaaa

Original post by blabblabblab

My home life was fairly poor and I definitely suffered from depression/mental illness as a child which led to very poor GCSEs at 16. I also had behavioural issues and got expelled from secondary school.
Almost overnight one day I decided that I'd had enough and am going to leave this all behind and be successful. I didn't care if I had no friends it was irrelevant, I didn't care what my parents said it was irrelevant, nothing was going to stop me.
At my new school I worked hard, got all A at AS level and didn't bother with oxbridge because I thought my GCSEs would limit me. A year later I got all A* at A-level which was by far the highest at my school and I suspect would have made me a realistic/strong applicant but I didn't apply because I just couldn't take another year at home (I regularly considered taking my life from about 12-19) and had to leave which I did and then shortly cut contact with parents.
Years later (I am now 23) I am a completely different person. Much happier, kinder, more relaxed etc and live a life which was unimaginable to 13yo me. Still, not applying to oxbridge/not really having a good chance at it is probably my one big regret in life.
Any tips on getting over this? It sounds pathetic but it annoys me a lot even though I'm grateful knowing I have secured a good life for myself and if I have children they will never have to go through the same things.

If you're in a comfortable enough position, you could always apply for a masters? I know that it won't be the same as applying for undergrad, but just because you haven't applied then, doesn't mean that you can't pursue oxbridge in the future. And ultimately you should be proud of the decision you made back then because you chose the best option for you at the time.

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 6

blabblabblab

Original post by eliaaaaa

If you're in a comfortable enough position, you could always apply for a masters? I know that it won't be the same as applying for undergrad, but just because you haven't applied then, doesn't mean that you can't pursue oxbridge in the future. And ultimately you should be proud of the decision you made bakc theb because you chose the best option for you at the time.

It’s a good idea but I have a career now and have no need to go back to education.

Reply 7

Picnicl

Original post by blabblabblab

Generic AAA russel group. I’d share the exact one but I know people who browse here and could identify me hahaha

Most of the Russell Group, and a few outside of it, are not generic. I just chose a random subject there to look on www.thecompleteuniversityguide.co.uk I hit on Classics. Oxford is 7th for research quality, Cambridge 16th. If the very, very, best staff don't necessarily make it to/want to make it to Oxbridge, then imagine how much more true that is for students also. Oxbridge being the very best is a longstanding myth. They just manage to be so high ranking by grades they ask for and the wealth of themselves as places ensuring that they can do a lot of research even if it isn't necessarily the very best. If making a degree harder than most other places means being the very best then there's also that. But I'd bet that the average Oxbridge student will not be better than the cleverest 10% of students at other Russell Group universities. Unless being better means working harder than you'd need to in some other places. And, as for staff, all that can usually be relied upon is Oxbridge will probably have somewhere in the top 20 best staff. But for some subjects, like History, they have a lot of stronger competition from other universities.

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Hey, the dream is never over. If you consider applying for Master's, PHD's, etc. Oxbridge is still an option. Just because you don't realize the potential of something happening before, doesn't mean you always have to live with that 'what if?' forever - you could still just as easily continue at a higher level. And the benefit now is that I'm assuming they wouldn't be looking as far as your GCSEs.

You say you are happy right now but I know the question of 'what if this happened' lingers, because it's something that happened to me. The only way to understand this better, is to let it fester & think about it. Do you want to still achieve that goal? Are you able to do it currently? Ask those questions and make sure you are confident in your answers. Figure out if it's a silly thing of the past irking your mind, or still a serious goal you still feel you want and could achieve. It sounds like you've thought of it for a while; and if so I'd honestly consider if it is a goal you want.

Regardless of your decision, you sound like you've gotten far in life. It's good to look back and be proud of things every once in a while, like turning things around at A-Level after your GCSEs - if it wasn't for that you may never had the chance to even consider Oxbridge then.

Just my 2 cents.

Reply 9

Oxfordbecky

You should be really proud of all you have achieved and managed to cycle break a toxic family situation.

What about going for a summer school for a few weeks? Would that help you to consolidate things in your head at all?